One of the first sermons or talks I heard when I moved to India was based on Marks account of going up to the Mount of Transfiguration. It was during this sermon that I realized God had very intentionally moved me across the world to have my own mountain top experience. That isn't to say that I had never had one before, or that there weren't moments in my spiritual life where I thought 'ah-ha, this is who God is'. In fact if I'm honest, I had many of those moments. I was lucky enough to be able to experience God in many ways, many times over the course of my relatively young life. I was lucky to be raised in a home that was built on the truth of God and showcased His love. I unfortunately missed the part about what happens after you come down from the mountain. I always seemed to leave on the high of wanting to build temples on top and staying there forever, because you know it's safe."
For those of you who need a refresher on the story, it can be found in Mark 9:2-13, but basically Jesus takes Peter, James and John (His inner circle) up to the mountain top where He is transfigured, seen in His proper glory and at one point Elijah and Moses are there. Peter is so in awe and not sure what to say that he suggests building places of worship to commemorate, the way the Jewish festivals suggest doing so. Instead a cloud appears (God is into clouds, hey?) and He tells them to listen to His son, whom He loves. After that Jesus walks down the mountain with them, and tells them not to share this with anyone...yet.
In this case, I am totally Peter. I have seen God this way work in such amazing ways, seen Him provide, walk beside me, and love me even when I was failing, but I have seen Jesus in His full glory. I, like Peter, want to set up a place of worship and never leave. I want to bask in who God is, spending my days worshipping and being in His direct presence. I want to continue to learn on top of the mountain away from the distractions of the town that sits below. But that is because just like Peter, I am scared at what the base of the mountain holds. I am not trusting that this experience will carry me, and continue to teach me.
At one point, I was curious whether I should consider extending my time in India. I have loved my experience, I have loved the people I have gotten to know, I have loved being a part of the work God is doing. I then realized that at the root of it, as much as I loved all the above mentioned things, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to take the things I had learned and bring them home with me. In fact I am still scared of that. My biggest fear in coming home is that all that I have learned this year, and the ways in which I have grown will no longer exist with in me, that by coming down from what I consider to be a mountain top year, I will lose it amongst the surrounding towns. I existed this year without anything defining me but Christ. No one here knows my past, my family all lives thousands of miles away and so although I am still an aunt, daughter, sister, friend, the role looks vastly different and those titles didn't define me or my actions here. My church is thousands of miles away and so my roles in leadership didn't define me here either, though I hold them close to my heart. This year the only thing that defined me was me and ultimately that definition came from who I am in Christ. I have enjoyed some of that freedom, though I am beginning to long to be back in my roles at home. I am just scared that I am not strong enough to take my place in life back and still remember that at the end of the day the only defining factor that matters is who I am in Christ.
Ultimately I think Peter feared similarly. I think he was worried that he had been changed by seeing Christ in His full glory, and he wasn't sure how to translate that back into real life, and so the easiest thing to do was to set up home on the mountain top. But God himself spoke to Peter as well as James and John and told them to listen to His son whom He loved. Jesus tells them not to share that experience, yet. I don't believe He didn't want it ever shared but I think there is a wisdom in waiting for the right time, in being able to understand all of what you learned before you are shouting it at anyone that passes by. I in the same way don't expect that everyone at home is going to want to listen to the nitty gritty details of this year, one of the reasons being is a year away is a lot longer than you think. I do think that Christ knew that others would see the difference in these three dudes, who belonged to His inner circle, and I can only hope that at the bottom of the mountain others will see the difference in me.
The last exciting part to me about all of this is, that Christ on that mountain could have gone to heaven. He could have been taken up in a cloud like Elijah, but rather He knew the prophesy and what was needed to complete His mission on earth. He also could have stayed longer on that mountain top to spend time in communion with His father, but instead He walked down the mountain with Peter, James and John, and stayed with them until His death, and then until His ascension before sending the Holy Spirit. I have learned and continue to learn that this year is the end of a chapter, I'm not sure of exactly what. I do know that it is time for me to come down from this mountain top and to take what I learned and let it affect my life so that others may see the difference. I am a bit scared about that, there are fears I wish I could fully explain or understand, but the truth is that in the end Jesus is walking down the mountain with me and He will stay with me. I am not alone. I am still learning so much, and will be learning from this experience for years to come, but as God said, I will do what His son whom He loves says, I will trust in Him.
See most of you in just about 3 weeks. Please be praying as I begin this transition, that I would continue to trust in Jesus. That I would continue to remember that He is walking with me, that there is purpose in His plan. Thanks for joining this journey <3
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