His Eye is on the Sparrow.

Before coming to India, actually before finding out I had gotten the fellowship in India, there was little I was worried about. I was the most confident I had ever been in my life that this was the plan God had for my life, and for someone who is terrible at decision making, that says a lot. Once I was offered the fellowship, I began to worry, not about whether I should go or not, more about the logistics really. I worried about being away that long, money, community, etc. but I didn't realize then that when God calls you, He doesn't leave you. I have been shown over and over the reality of my worth over a sparrows, and the fact that if Christ knows the number of hairs on my head how much does He truly care about the "small things" in my life.

Whenever I have been interviewed and been asked what my biggest weakness is (which of course needs to really be a hidden strength) I have answered my struggle with endings. I spin it, that I care so much about x,y,and z that ending the relationship, whether it be with other people, an organization, etc. to be extremely difficult. A lot of this stems from the fact that I am terrible with change. So before coming to India my biggest fear was with the amount of inconsistency it would add to my life. It would be another non permanent position, where I would invest in relationships that would eventually be split up, and the idea that the interns and fellows changed twice in my time was a bit scary. I knew that if God was calling me though, He would sustain me.

The first round of intern/fellows left in May, and it was a bit challenging, there were 2 girls, one of which I lived with, who finished their time and were heading home. After only knowing them about 4 months it was hard to see someone I would have loved to get to know more go. I struggled and began fretting what the next round of goodbyes would look like. The next round of goodbye's started last week, and they will go on until the end of August, and in total 7 interns and fellows will be finishing their time here and heading home. It has been hard. These are people I have spent the last 6+ months with, working, eating, playing, resting, stressing, talking to. I have had serious meltdowns, and extreme bouts of joy (just ask them about my smile when I had starbucks it was bordering on creepy). I have opened my heart and shared some of my personal struggles, and my greatest triumphs. I have heard their stories, learned from them, sough wisdom in them, and overall formed a family with them.

It wasn't until this past weekend, when talking to one of the girls I live with, who will leave in August, when I realized just how much God has cared for me. He knew the details of the group before placing me in this city. He knew the office culture, the dynamics, the personalities, the situations, and who I would need support from, to learn from, to be friends with. Our God who created the earth, is freeing slaves, and offers healing, also cares about my "little things" and not just mine but each of ours. God has gone before me, and continues to do so to prepare the path that I am called to. He doesn't just call us to leave us, but rather He is there to walk with us and sustain us, as long as we are willing to heed His call. This hasn't been an easy lesson, rather one I still struggle with, but I have just seen how evident His love is for me in the way He has taken care of things that seem so minute to others.

I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by some of the loveliest people for the last 6+ months, and it is a real struggle to see them go, but Christ isn't going to leave me at this point. He hasn't brought me this far to watch me fall. Also these friendships that have been built are ones that are foundational to my time here and crucial to a lot of the growth I have experienced thus far, and so I know that distance won't harm them at all. It is so encouraging to know that God has a plan much bigger than what think, and to realize that although He tells us to take enough manna just for the day, He has a plan to sustain us for all the days to come!

Here are some pics of you to understand how lucky I have been to be with these crazy kids who are getting ready to head home in the next couple of weeks. You will see that God knew what He was doing when He placed us all here, we kind of fit together in a weird jigsaw puzzle kind of way!