His Eye is on the Sparrow.

Before coming to India, actually before finding out I had gotten the fellowship in India, there was little I was worried about. I was the most confident I had ever been in my life that this was the plan God had for my life, and for someone who is terrible at decision making, that says a lot. Once I was offered the fellowship, I began to worry, not about whether I should go or not, more about the logistics really. I worried about being away that long, money, community, etc. but I didn't realize then that when God calls you, He doesn't leave you. I have been shown over and over the reality of my worth over a sparrows, and the fact that if Christ knows the number of hairs on my head how much does He truly care about the "small things" in my life.

Whenever I have been interviewed and been asked what my biggest weakness is (which of course needs to really be a hidden strength) I have answered my struggle with endings. I spin it, that I care so much about x,y,and z that ending the relationship, whether it be with other people, an organization, etc. to be extremely difficult. A lot of this stems from the fact that I am terrible with change. So before coming to India my biggest fear was with the amount of inconsistency it would add to my life. It would be another non permanent position, where I would invest in relationships that would eventually be split up, and the idea that the interns and fellows changed twice in my time was a bit scary. I knew that if God was calling me though, He would sustain me.

The first round of intern/fellows left in May, and it was a bit challenging, there were 2 girls, one of which I lived with, who finished their time and were heading home. After only knowing them about 4 months it was hard to see someone I would have loved to get to know more go. I struggled and began fretting what the next round of goodbyes would look like. The next round of goodbye's started last week, and they will go on until the end of August, and in total 7 interns and fellows will be finishing their time here and heading home. It has been hard. These are people I have spent the last 6+ months with, working, eating, playing, resting, stressing, talking to. I have had serious meltdowns, and extreme bouts of joy (just ask them about my smile when I had starbucks it was bordering on creepy). I have opened my heart and shared some of my personal struggles, and my greatest triumphs. I have heard their stories, learned from them, sough wisdom in them, and overall formed a family with them.

It wasn't until this past weekend, when talking to one of the girls I live with, who will leave in August, when I realized just how much God has cared for me. He knew the details of the group before placing me in this city. He knew the office culture, the dynamics, the personalities, the situations, and who I would need support from, to learn from, to be friends with. Our God who created the earth, is freeing slaves, and offers healing, also cares about my "little things" and not just mine but each of ours. God has gone before me, and continues to do so to prepare the path that I am called to. He doesn't just call us to leave us, but rather He is there to walk with us and sustain us, as long as we are willing to heed His call. This hasn't been an easy lesson, rather one I still struggle with, but I have just seen how evident His love is for me in the way He has taken care of things that seem so minute to others.

I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by some of the loveliest people for the last 6+ months, and it is a real struggle to see them go, but Christ isn't going to leave me at this point. He hasn't brought me this far to watch me fall. Also these friendships that have been built are ones that are foundational to my time here and crucial to a lot of the growth I have experienced thus far, and so I know that distance won't harm them at all. It is so encouraging to know that God has a plan much bigger than what think, and to realize that although He tells us to take enough manna just for the day, He has a plan to sustain us for all the days to come!

Here are some pics of you to understand how lucky I have been to be with these crazy kids who are getting ready to head home in the next couple of weeks. You will see that God knew what He was doing when He placed us all here, we kind of fit together in a weird jigsaw puzzle kind of way!

To the Wee Ones (my nieces and nephews)

To my 10 (almost 12) beautiful nieces and nephews, I want to start by saying, I love you something fierce. I have felt so blessed to be your aunt, to see you grow from little babies to beautiful kids with hearts of gold. You each inspire me daily, make me laugh, and teach me things far beyond your years. In fact, I love you as if you were my own. I am sure my friends both here in India and at home are tired of me sharing stories of you being cute, stubborn, or straight up hysterical, but that won't stop me from talking even when no one is listening. I hope you know that you are never far from my thoughts, you are actually very central to my daily routine.

There are so many things I wish I could tell you guys, but seeing as you range in age from 2 to 8, some of the things I pray for, hope for, long for, for you might not make a ton of sense. I want you to know that being away from you for the last 6 months, has been one of the hardest things for me to do. Sure I miss family gatherings, church services, my friends and my bed, but you are at the top of the list. I wish I could fully explain to you what I am doing here and what this year means to me, but someday you will, and then it will all make sense. I am so thankful for your mommies and your daddies, your grandma and grandpa, and all of our family who are telling you about me, so that you don't forget who I am when I return this December. I am so happy to have the notes that each of you wrote me before I left, encouraging me daily. I hope you know that I am learning so much, and I can't wait to share it with you in due time.

What does me being in India have to do with you? Well, I wondered the same thing for a bit, and while the sole purpose is following God's call in my life, and working in an area I am so passionate about, at the root of it I am finding there is more. I hope that the courage I have grown to be able to face this year is transferable to you, that you too may feel free to follow your dreams and God's plan wherever it may take you, whether it be to stay in New York or to live in Japan. I pray that the internal strength that I am fostering, will be evident to you so that you too can face scary things in your life, things that may seem impossible. I pray you see my love and dedication to Christ, the one who made us and sustains us, so that you too may walk in His will, and grow closer to Him. It's not easy missing birthday parties, family get togethers, and major milestones, but if it means that I am becoming a better me than in the end it is worth it. I want to be the best me so that I can share it with you. I want to be your fun crazy aunt, who lets you eat too much sugar, and stay up way too late, but I also want to lead you, to show you that God's plan is the perfect plan, I want to offer you the best of me in order to help you grow into the best of you.

So when you tell me to come home because you miss me, or you ask me if we can have a sleepover, the answer is yes. So many yeses but it will just have to wait a few more months, for God has called me to be here to further His call for justice. God has called me to be here to fall deeper in love and need with Him. God has called me to be here to realize that my worth is in Him and He is the only comfort zone I need. I will be so ready to come home to see you when God calls me back to Cohoes, and it's you I look forward to seeing most. I can't wait to be another great example of God to you, and to join your parents and our 'tribe' in raising you into the Godly young woman and men I know you to be. So I am sorry I am not there right now, and I know it feels like forever, but soon sweet wee ones I will be home loving you with so many hugs you will want to get away from me, but for now I must continue on this part of my journey.

And little ones, if you have a dream to travel the world or to stay at home they are both so important, I hope that along with your parents direction in following Gods call, mine is another example. I hope you know I am loving my time here, I am making friends here, and letting my roots grow here, but I am never far from you, you're always on my mind.

I love you, Bubby

Please Allow Me to Introduce You!

Oh friends, this post is long overdue. I should have taken the time to introduce you to my team here in India months ago. I am a part of the aftercare team (in case you weren't sure) and obviously I am bias, but I believe they are the best team a girl could have asked for in this experience! So please let me introduce you to them, and give you an idea of the superhero's I get to work with daily! Here are some pictures.

(Front row right to left: Tasha, Loretta, Pranitha, Helen, Solomon. - Middle row left to right: Helen, Abbey, Becky, Leah. -Back row right to left: Barna, Stephen, Sonali.)

Pranitha was the fearless director of this team for the last ten years, and just recently left to continue her work for justice at another organization. She is tiny in stature but is larger than life, and has a powerful voice for those without one. She lead our team with fierce strength, and we miss her much, but are continuing to work hard and make great strides for our clients.

Tasha, is possibly one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet, she has a huge smile and heart, and one of the most beautiful voices I have ever heard She is our teams admin, and without her we would be lost. She is always willing to lend a hand, explain excel (I struggle sometimes) and encourage us along the way.

Loretta began working with IJM just this past December but is full of knowledge and passion which makes her fit right in. She is currently our acting director, and has handled the transition and stress with much grace. She is also doing the work of a case manager, overseeing clients rehabilitation, and doing so with a smile on her face.

Helen, I consider her to be regal, she is always so beautiful and so full of grace in all that she does. She takes me silly banter and gives it right back to me. A lot of her cases have health issues, and that means doctor appointments and follow ups and often frustrations, though there is a lot of joy as well. She is eager to always learn, and just embraces her clients with such an open heart that is full of so much love.

Solomon has one of the largest case loads in numbers, and although he often finds himself overwhelmed he is one of the most dedicated people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. If he is able he will do anything in his power to see his clients succeed and if he can't do it he will work hard to find someone who can. He is also one of the Ukelele boys, and if your lucky enough to hear them play it's lots of fun!

Barnabas is one of the funniest guys I know. Becky calls him Barnacle and in turn he calls us things like 'trouble' and 'tornado'. He is dedicated and strong in his work. He is passionate about justice and the call that has been placed on his life. He oversees our freedom trainings and leads with confidence that is to be admired. With cases of his own he sees a need and is ready to face it head on to ensure that our clients receive what they are due and more. He is also a ukelele boy! I will have to upload a video of them!

Stephen is our newest case manager though he has been part of the team for a while. He started out overseeing events, but because he is so awesome and finally realized how amazing social work is he has been promoted. He oversees one of our largest and furthest away project area. He is someone who quiet at first (i think that is an act haha) is full of a ton of wisdom, and great observation skills. He is a problem solver, and we are so lucky to have him on our team.

Gladys is our government benefits liaison, she spends days in government offices, submitting petitions and advocating on behalf of our clients. She works tirelessly to ensure that our clients have the essentials they need when starting fresh in a life of freedom. Her tenacity is something to be admired.

Not pictured is Limma, because he just began working with us a couple months back, but he works with Stepehen. He is quite quiet in the office, but is super smart and full of knowledge. He speaks a bunch of languages, and is always observing which are some pretty important skills in these parts. He has been a great addition to our team.

Sonali is a volunteer with our department, she just finished her bachelors in psychology and is going to get her masters this fall in the UK. She is hard working, willing to do whatever the team needs, and is an insanely quick learner.

Becky, Leah and I, each have our own roles though we are mostly there as support. For Leah, this is her second year with the team and she is super passionate about the cause and our clients. She has a masters in social work and is smart and has tons of experience that she is so generous to share = ].She works with both Stephen and Loretta, as well as overseeing our database and such! Becky has a bachelors in psychology, and has pretty much decided that a masters in social work is the next step (I mean come on who would't? haha). She is energetic, willing to help anywhere and great with kids. She currently helps Gladys and Solomon, and I know they both appreciate her dedication a ton. As for me, I work with Helen and Barna, doing whatever they ask and I love it. I love to see their dedication and to learn from their experience

There is so much more I could say about each one and it would take a book to have it written down. This team is hard working, full of love and compassion and the calling to bring justice to this world. They work long hours, sometimes every day of the week. They take calls at all hours of the day and night, buttttt they are also some of the most fun people full of joy and laughter and jokes. I feel so lucky to be a part of this team, to learn from them, to get to know them, to be able to call them friends. God knew what he was doing when He placed me here, and for that I am thankful daily. I wish that all of you at home (or wherever you are) could meet each of them personally, to see their smiles, to experience the pain, to revel in the joy that comes with being a part of this team, but since that's not really possible I hope sharing them with you this way, gives you an idea of superhero's I am surrounded by. This team is in this for the long haul, for the days that seem never ending, and for the joys that make it worth it. When slavery is history in India these amazing people will be in the books as being a huge part of it.

Although there are days when I miss my family, I feel so blessed to call my team my family. My heart will always be a part of this place, and for that I am forever thankful to 'my team'!

Thanks for joining the journey friends <3

A Day Late and a Dollar Short. (a list for my dad)

To my dad who loves me, even when I don't feel lovable.

To my dad who cares for me in the deepest way.

To my dad who forgets that I broke my wrist, but remembers my order at McDonalds.

To my dad who will still take care of me when I'm sick.

To my dad who knows when it's a 'I need a slushy' kind of day.

To my dad who loves more deeply than anyone else I know.

To my dad who is more forgiving than someone who hasn't been wronged.

To my dad who shows mercy is one of his greatest gifts.

To my dad who instilled my desire to travel.

To my dad who doesn't love that I have left, but understands why.

To my dad who says spread your wings, but your house is always waiting.

To my dad who speaks truth even when it is out of style.

To my dad who yodels at the most embarrassing moments.

To my dad who always picks up the accents of where he is traveling.

To my dad who can make a sermon out of almost all life's circumstances.

To my dad who likes to take his shortcuts.

To my dad who says it's a light travel year and then leaves the country twice.

To my dad who is 61 and still has huge dreams that he will eventually complete.

To my dad who finally gave in and let me get my nose pierced.

To my dad who says after each tattoo, 'I don't love you anymore or any less than I did before'.

To my dad who even when he's tired he is the first to take his grandkids in the pool.

To my dad who opens his house to everyone.

To my dad who treats all people, regardless of life choices, equally.

To my dad who cried the whole way home, after dropping me off from college.

To my dad who I am not ashamed to say is one of the people I am closest to in life.

To my dad who supports my insane ideas, and helps me pursue them.

To my dad who even when I am being mean and gross still treats me with kindness.

To my dad who has had reasons to lose his cool with me, has offered me grace.

To my dad who encourages gifts I am scared to share.

To my dad who I am so grateful to have.

Dad, you are truly such an example of so many things. You have shown me how to love, to listen, to be open to learning, to enjoy the adventure, to see the beauty. You have shown me that when life gets hard you can still stay steady. You dad are someone I hope to be like. I hope to have the mercy, compassion, and true concern you have for others. You have already given me the ability to make friends with any strangers, the love of culture, the gift of teaching. You are an example, and I am proud to be your daughter. I hope that you know I love you so much, and that I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me. I am grateful for the patience you have shown me. I am grateful for your willingness to let me go into the world and form my own identity, but also to still be waiting when I need my dad. I am sorry I couldn't be home this year, but we knew that would happen someday, we knew God called me to something this year. And although at the beginning you questioned whether I would stick with the whole year in India, I will forgive you and remember that you were the first to say my flesh doesn't like it but my spirit understands. I love you dad, may you feel love and appreciated every day of the year!

Love,

your littlest girl <3

Just Like My Mother

You've asked and I've answered, never fully in truth, not just to you but also to myself. Mother's day doesn't actually affect me, nor does her birthday passing, or any other date like that. It does draw more attention to the day in and day out missing her, the feelings I often push so far down, and give little light too. It isn't that I don't want to think of her, in fact lately I think of her more often than not, but it still hurts, and I had to allow myself to know it was okay that it still hurts. So, yes, I answered you I am fine when mother's day comes around, because I am, but also I miss my mom fiercely everyday.

I think one of the reasons I have missed her most more recently, it is so easy to see my mom in my sisters. To see the way they parent, the way they love their children, to see the logic they use in their decision making. It is easiest to see it in my sister Kaity, who shares the same heart that my mother had, similar looks, and a voice that is more similar than most of ours. Growing up, I was always told I looked like my mom, and I can thank the blonde hair, blue eyes, and ever tanning skin for that. But as I have gotten older, I have found it harder to see where I have things in common with the mamma who prayed for me, loved me, and raised me. That's not said to gain sympathy, rather a fact of where I have been, and in part probably because I only got to know my mom as a thirteen year old girl and there was so much left to learn. In the last couple of years, I have began searching who my mother was, the woman she was before she had children, the one who led with fierce strength, the one who would do anything for her child. It has been a journey, but one I am thankful to be able to know. I may not learned of my mom's strengths and trials from her alone, but rather from stories passed down, or observations of the way others carry her legacy on, but I have been learning and for that I am thankful.

Now a days, I tend to look like a fairly solid mix of my mom and dad, though my blue eyes give way to my mom's beauty, and I am outgoing and love meeting new people, which tends to be more of my dad's character, so how do I reflect my mom? The one thing I learned through everything about my mom, no matter what she faced and she faced a lot in her too short life, she faced it with strength. If you had asked me even just six months ago if I had internal strength I think I would have said no, but my mom knew different, even from when I was young. I have found in my time here that I have a personal strength that I didn't think was possible, that facing tasks whether small or large I am able to deal with them, that strength was learned from my mom. My ability to publicly speak and tell stories (sorry dad, you aren't great at story telling) comes from my mom, who could make you weep by applying simple stories to life's greatest questions. Although my outgoing personality tends to side with my dad, my quick wit and sense of humor comes straight from my mom. My mom wasn't someone who gave away her belly laughs easily, but when you earned one you felt pride, and for that I thank her. But for me I think the biggest thing I have gotten from my mom is the ability to love those who feel unloved. My mom taught with her life, how to show true empathy, and because of that and those skills she taught so naturally, I am able to do what I am doing here in India. Lately, it's true I have felt left out as my sisters are compared to my mom, mostly because I love her so much I want nothing more than to emulate her, but even though I only had her for a short period I was given so much. I know that a mother's work is never done and even though she isn't here physically to keep teaching, I know through others as well as through the characteristics I picked up with out realizing it will show more and more as my life goes on. I am thankful that I had a mom who I want to emulate and I am thankful that I have woman in my life who continue to show me strength, and humor, and love, because without all the woman in my life I wouldn't be where I am today.

As a side note, I hope that wherever you are this mother's day, whether you are celebrating or grieving, whether you are surrounded by loved ones or you are all alone, I hope you know to someone - whether by birth or by circumstance you are a leader, someone who is teaching younger girls their worth, their strength, and their capabilities, keep on teaching, someday they will remember who taught them!

****also, sorry this is terribly written, just some thoughts I have been having as I think about today and what it means to so many.****

The Sickness That Never Ends...Until It Does!

As many of you know, about 2 months back, I got super sick over about a five day period. I had a high fever, bad abdominal cramps and was worried about dehydration and such. Thankfully, that ended and all was well in my world again. Unfortunately since then I have had couple day periods where I would not feel great, not as bad as before, but not well at all. Finally, last week after 3 long days in the heat with not a ton of water or food, I started to feel ill again. It persisted for about 5 days and I decided to see a doctor. He was super sweet, and kind but chalked it up to dehydration, which I felt was a symptom at this point not the cause. The next day I went to a hospital here to seek more answers. After navigating my way through registering, waiting, paying, and getting tests done, the doctor felt like he knew what was going on. I was scheduled the next day for a colonoscopy (which I didn't expect to have until I was old and definitely not in India) and a gastroscopy. Both went very smoothly and were done with no issue. Today I went to meet with my doctor again and get some medicine to begin treating me. It seems that I have colitis, which is common in western countries and young caucasians, and I was lucky enough to get it. I have started some medications to calm this flare up to even out and hopefully in a week will be on a regular med schedule. I have to meet with my doctor once more next week to review the biopsy report from the tests yesterday, where hopefully we can understand what type of colitis this is, whether it is an issue of a parasite I had before, or because of genetics and it's ulcerative. I wanted to wait until I had some answer to share this all with you. This has been a really tough last two weeks, and I know God has a lot to teach me through it. I just ask that you would continue to keep my health in prayer, I feel useless being at home in bed and I am getting bored, pray we find the right meds, give the doctor continued wisdom, and mentally just pray that this no longer has a hold on me and my call here. Thank you so much for supporting me and loving me, and joining me on this adventure! <3

The Countless Things I Have Learned

Friends, it has been too long since the last time I wrote and for that I am sorry. Time has this weird way of slipping through my fingers, while some days feel they may never end. On that note, I looked at an app on my phone and it told me I have been in India for 109 days, which is 1/3 of my time here! How that happened, I have honestly no idea!

I often don't feel like I have a ton to say and that has a part of why I don't write, this city I live in, though exotic and different then anything I have ever known, has quickly become my home and my life, and so day to day has a rhythm similar to living anywhere in the world, I think. But since we are at such a big time mark regarding my length of stay here, I thought I would share some things I have learned in my short stay so far!

1. Squatty potties are easily used once you understand the art form.

2. Light skin and light hair, will make almost all babies here cry.

3. I love spicy food, and even more I love eating it with my hands! (Rice and all, I may eat pasta with my hands eventually!)

4. The car horns, although loud and overwhelming, actually have a meaning most of the time, and it's not something that can be taught you just have to pick up what each blast means. It sounds tricky, but really you understand it quicker than you'd think.

5. I don't need McDonald's french fries in my life, or really any fast food or fountain soda.

6. "Designer" pizza (domino's, pizza hut, etc.) will give you the taste of home if you need it.

7. There are certain days where it's okay to spend way more than you normally would on groceries, in order to have vermont cheddar cheese, and sour cream.

8. I crave red meat more than I thought I did at home.

9. I can banter and bobble my head with the auto's with the best of them.

10. I have way more inner strength than I ever thought possible.

11. God is so much closer than I ever gave Him credit for.

12. My family and support system is so much stronger than I ever believed it to be.

13. My personal worth is being found daily.

14. Family are the people you surround yourself with and who support you, blood or not.

15. I still love this country as much as the first day I arrived, though I still get frustrated some days.

16. Just because this is God's will for my life, doesn't make it easy, in fact I struggle often.

17. Through the struggle I have grown so much.

18. Missing home is something that never goes away, but eventually you find a way to realize that where you are is your home.

19. Don't drink the tap water...or eat at a restaurant your instincts say no to, believe me I found out the hard way.

20. Always bring toilet paper with you, otherwise you can use the sprayer or wiggle = ]

So this is a glimpse of some of the things I am learning about myself, about my surroundings, about my abilities and my weaknesses, and although I feel like I have learned a ton I know I still have so much more to learn.

Since my last update, Kaitlyn visited which was amazing and so awesome to have someone see my life here and to have a glimpse of what it's like. I traveled to Kerala, and stayed on a house boat which was so amazing, have been working, building relationships, and planning Shawna's visit in July! Things are going over all well! I would just ask that you pray for our team, we are very over extended in work and need some positions filled. I ask for prayer in our office as our field office director gets ready to leave and our new one gets ready to take over. Personally, just pray for my health I have had some stomach issues and such, and also just for this period of time in general. This 3 and 4 month mark often are the time of struggling and I can definitely sense it a bit, not wanting to return home but I am restless a bit, and definitely feel some spiritual stuff. And finally just pray for travel, over the next few months I will be traveling all over India and Asia, so as I prepare and go, just for logistics and safety. I miss you all and love you tons!